HEY

Sorry for the lack of updating guys, but theres no wireless out here so i have to share one computer with a house full of people. And by 'out here' i mean Kentucky. yes. Kentucky. I've been here about a week now. I left only telling my parents. I know i should have told everyone where i was going and what i was doing but... well. i knew everyone would look down on me and try to talk me out of it. But i still should have been honest and for that i apologize. Let me at least try and explain myself.

1.) I've never been to Kentucky.
2.)I knew Derek enough to trust him, and know that he is a good guy, and that he wouldnt just leave me stranded if things dont work out between us.
3.) It's only 3 months. I'm going back to Minnesota in May to live with Addison and Sara (and yes, Derek is moving to Minneapolis too, and no its not because of me its because he wants change and was thinking about Minnepolis or Seattle long before he met me).
4.)I'm young and now is the time. I hadnt started working anywhere in Phoenix, my dad was really getting on my nerves, i had just been kicked out of school, so why not now? Why not go somewhere new, be with new people, try new things before i go back to Minnesota in a couple of months? I guess i've just looked at this as more of an adventure than a risk. Maybe i should have seen it more as a risk, but i dont regret my decision.
5.) I guess... I guess part of my fear was that because i was far away we wouldnt have lasted. I mean, one thing i've learned is that distance is a bitch, to any relationships, not just boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. And i really care about him. really i do. i know this is all happening really fast but i feel like i've known him years- Cliche' as that sounds.

anyway... "Thats all i can think of to say to you" (Evita anyone?...no?..ok.)



In recent news. My sister found my pepper spray and thought it was a flashlight so she sprayed it in my room at home. God bless her....
And yes, i have pepper spray, i even have a refill in case i used it once. Thank you dad, and because i forgot my pepper spray my dad gave me one of his knives for the road... yikes.

hmmmm... what else... I went to a really bad metal show in Louisville (pronounced Lou-a-vul). When i was in Memphis (which is suprisingly ghetto), i saw a guy dressed as Elvis driving a Semi-truck. Nashville is nice, didnt really get to spend time there though. I'd put up pictures but again, i'm not on my computer so...yeah. I'll figure something out, we were gonna buy a router soon. The picutre above is of 'Cumberland Falls' thats kind of where i am. technically i'm in Russel Springs/Jamestown. Tara Connors, the Miss USA who got in trouble for having nude pictures and doing drugs (the girl who sparked the Donald Trump v.s. Rosie O'Donnel argument) is from here haha and apparently she was really slutty in highschool, and did a lot of drugs in highschool too. So basically she lied to everyone saying she was "swept up by the big city and didnt even know what cocain was when she first moved here." dumb.

Well i hope you're all doing splended. i love you all.


OH and listen to 'Danger! High Volatage' and 'Gay Bar' by Detroit rock band Electric 6 You wont be disappointed. AND 'Dumb it down' by Lupe Fiasco

OH! and if you're having trouble deciding on who to vote for go to http://glassbooth.org/ It says i should vote for Mike Gravel or Barak Obama. interesting...

So i've decided that I am Fergie.

creepy huh, you cant even tell the difference. i know. But, thats not why i'm Fergie. its more like, i identify with the lyrics of her new song "Clumsy" They go:

You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me
This love sick thing
I like serious relationships and a
A girl like me dont stay single for long
Cuz everytime a boyfriend and I break up
My world is crushed and I'm all alone
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back

Can't help it
The girl can't help it (repeat 3x)



I'm not saying i'm a babe magnet or anything. that whole "i dont stay single for long" thing isnt true. but the part about i get sincerely crushed and then a day later i'm fall all over again, that part is true. I know it makes me really sketchy but. i dont know... i guess what i'm trying to say is theres this boy named Derek and i really like him and he really likes me and he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes. I havent told anyone about him just because i dont tell people about my personal life very often. I always think people dont take me seriously when it comes to guys because i'm always talking to different guys and it just doesnt seem 'credible' to them i guess. which to some extend i understand... it just makes me feel like crap every time i have to see people roll their eyes at me and talk down at me like a child every time i talk about it.

but i dont like lying either. so... guess i'll just throw it out there. met him on the internet. I know, I know, its sketchy. very sketchy. i get it. i also know its stupid and i know everyon thinks its lame and typical behavior of me and my low self esteem blah blah blah.

You can think whatever you want to. You can judge me as much as you want, but i guess what i'm saying is, I feel the way i feel and... well. thats all that matters to me. So yeah... this is my way of telling you all... and i'll probably get a lot of crap for this... but. oh well.

You have new Picture Mail!

So majestic.... And boring

Jacks Mannequin says it best when it comes to these matters...

Goodbye california... I love you. Dont forget me:(


-Into The Airwaves AND Bruised by Jacks Mannequin... check 'em out.

bring on the optimism

I love kissing someone new.
I love Jack Nicholson.
I love being remembered.
I love natural smiles, not the ones they use in pictures.
I love sunlight coming through a cloud covered sky.
I love the sound of a cello.
I love cooking, even though I’m not very good at it.
I love clever lyrics.
I love hairy men.
I love a good sweater.
I love orchids, dahlias, gardenias, and white wild flowers.
I love the first sip of an ice cold coke.
I love small creeks hidden by trees.
I love a good strong breeze.
I love Julie Andrews.
I love thick carpet that you can dig your toes into.
I love scarves.
I love the weak in the knees feeling I get when someone kisses my neck.
I love obscure musicals and rock operas.
I love a mans’ shoulders, hands and jaw bone.
I love small animals.
I love nightgowns.
I love when birds come close enough that you can almost touch them.
I love dying my hair a new color.
I love tattoo shops and the people in them.
I love being naked when no one is home.
I love chunky jewelry.
I love the smell of cigarette smoke and cologne on a mans clothes.
I love getting a tan.
I love someone running their fingers through my hair.
I love jeans that fit you just right.
I love chap-stick
I love jazz and blues music.
I love buying new books.
I love when you can see the sun and the moon at the same time.
I love Greek food.
I love songs that make you cry and rip your heart out.
I love finding random trivia about movies on IMDB
I love a hearty steak dinner.
I love wearing just a white t-shirt and jeans.
I love Birkinstocks.
I love my friends.
I love singing in my car.
I love getting packages.
I love arriving at my destination after a long road trip.
I love dresses.
I love dimples.
I love giving unique, and genuine compliments.
I love receiving unique, and genuine compliments.
I love going out to dinner.
I love sitting and talking on the outdoor patio furniture in Target.
I love a giving and receiving a good slap on the ass.
I love when people notice my perfume.
I love long hugs.
I love when someone takes my hand.
I love playing cards.
I love performing.
I love hockey fights.
I love laughing so hard I have to cover my mouth with both hands so I don’t disturb everyone in a 2 mile radius.
I love being so tired that everything is funny.
I love gourmet sandwiches.
I love taking naps with the opposite sex.
I love finding new comedians.
I love getting my eyebrows waxed.
I love driving at night with my windows down.
I love Donkey Kong.
I love going to new cities.
I’m in love with trees. I always will be.
I love feeling lovely.
I love good hair days.
I love when people are unexpectedly nice.
I love deep conversations that last until early hours of the morning.
I love exotic looking people.
I love hippies.
I love hammocks.
I love the sound of the ocean.
I love spicy foods.
I love when the power goes out and you’re forced to live by candle light.
I love being one of the only people in a movie theatre.
I love weird movies.
I love when the tide rushes in around your ankles.
I love my dog Jack.
I love new shoes even though I never wear them.
I love when the dentist says I have beautiful teeth, even though I don’t brush everyday.
I love media classes.
I love new underwear.
I love being completely open and vulnerable with a new person… if my heart gets broken later on.
I love seeing the moon reflected on water.
I love collar bone and neck tattoos.
I love myspace and facebook messages.
I love seeing someone I’ve missed.
I love crying with another person.
I love Medora, North Dakota.
I love Jack Vettriano and Maxfeild Parish paintings.
I love Conan O’Brian and Steven Colbert.
I love finding out peoples Astrological signs.
I love riding horses.
I love The Beatles.
I love feeling free.
I love feeling desired.
I love laying my head on someone’s lap during a movie.
I love sleeping in.
I love movies set in Minnesota.
I love wrapping myself in a blanket.
I love telling stories.
I love Minneapolis.
I love having money.
I love slow dancing.
I love when the moon is so bright you can see things clearly.
I love crafty people.
I love quoting movies.
I love writing short stories, even if I end up hating them later.
I love journals, even though I never write in them.
I love green eyes.
I love when my shoulders are bare.
I love having hope that the right man will find me.

Confused.

So if someone you've known for four years kisses you while he's high and depressed, does that mean he likes you? or does that mean he was just lonely and messed up? the poor guy just got back from a funeral... he was probably lonely and messed up huh... yeah. well... what if for four years he called you sweetheart and kissed you on the cheek whenever he saw you, and said he always thought you were beautiful... what if he always made you feel beautiful? What if he's always been someone who really understood you... and what if you knew that even though he's a pot head you understand his motivation and the pain he's going through, and how you wish you could be there for him. what does that mean?



i am so confused.