Monday, September 7, 2009


So i was a bit of an ass today at work. This girl i work with was saying how she is going to get her tattoo this week. "what are you getting?" i asked.
"Oh, My own name. but i dont know whether to get it in arabic or in chinese symbols." well... i've got a big mouth. and even though i should have just shut up i said:
"well definitely go with the arabic because if you get chinese symbols you're automatically a douche bag"
to which she said:
"I dont really care what other people think I'm going to get my kids names in chinease symbols too"
"Well it could be worse, you could be getting a butterfly tattoo."
"Thats what i'm going to get next..."

so yeah... I'm a dick. and i apologized. but uh... there are just some tattoos people should rethink getting. and here is my list. Please comment tell me if you agree or disagree.

***Also, please note, if a tattoo has meaning for you and its personal, than thats fine. i just hate when people get 'trend tattoos' OR when people get tattoos just because they look cool but then they make up some bull answer as to why they got it so they look deep. if it doesnt mean anything, just say it doesnt. i wont think less of you, i'll just be happy you were honest about it. ****

1. Barbed wire tattoo. its just ug. and cocky, because it wraps around your 'bicep' and i guess is supposed to make you look tough and all... but its like getting a hummer; only YOU think you look cool.
Usual offenders: Frat boys and body builders
Exceptions to the rule: none whatsoever. you will always look like a total tool.

2. Chinese Symbols. why!? WHY!? if it was in english you would be ridiculous but because its Chinese it makes it meaningful? 'i'm going to get the word fire because... its powerful and so am i' or 'i'm going to get peace and love...i like both of those!' i mean, other languages at least look less pretentious. I wouldnt mind getting a word in Italian, but i'm not Italian so it just feels wrong. why is this language ok?
Usual Offenders: again, mostly Todds(frat boys).
Exceptions: Asians and Buddhists. Or if you get the symbol for the word 'Regret' because thats just hilarious.

3.Cartoon Characters: I love disney as much as the next person, but really? i mean i'm sure people have their reasons as to why, and maybe its personal, and therefore i cant judge it, but i just dont see how. its like those adult women that wear winnie the pooh tshirts and have their hair pulled back in scrunchies whilst having tweety bird sewn into their jean shorts. why? do you really like them THAT much? does it make you feel young and cute? i'm more confused about the phenomenon than anything. Although i saw a Transformers tattoo once and that was pretty badass.
usual offenders: weird dudes that work in video rental shops, women with perms and fountain bangs, dudes in prison for some weird reason.
Exceptions: uh... cartoonists?

4.Anything Tribal: so what tribe are you from?
Usual offenders: porn stars.
Exceptions: Samoans, Maori, native Hawaiians... you get the picture.

5.Butterflys and/or Fairies: The only reason women get these are because it makes them feel sexy and more feminine. its ESPECIALLY bad if they put it on their lower backs in the 'tramp stamp' area, above the crotch,ankle, or on the boob... which is usually where they put it. Dolphins are also pretty weird.
Usual Offenders: skanks.
Exceptions: People who actually believe in Fairies or people who have emotional attachments to butterflys.

6.One lone music note: We get you like music. so does everyone else. if anything get a whole bar of music of a song your really like or is personal. One lone note though? Seriously, everyone loves music, some just commit to pursuing it as a career or hobby. Its like getting a tattoo of a piece of pizza because you really like it, so does everyone; and you dont need a reminder that you love music... or pizza.
Usual Offenders: Professional musicians, and a lot of people you just wouldnt expect.
Exceptions: I guess if you're a professional musician you get a pass just because music really would be your life, but if i loved being a script analyst that doesnt mean i should get a tattoo of a script.

7.Anything that encircles the bellybutton. it just looks gross.
Usual Offenders: awkward people.
Exceptions: none.

*** maybe this list is a bit pretentious but come one, most of them i'm right about? or am i???

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

ha i love Jack Handy pt.2

To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that's what He's getting!

For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?

If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Sunday, March 8, 2009


well as if i havent complained about it enough, I HAVE FRICKIN' MONO. I have no idea where i got it from. i dont know anyone who has had mono recently, and i havent kissed anyone in like, 2 months. wtf.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Amazing Quotes from 'The Watchmen'

"Soon there will be war. Millions will burn. Millions will perish in sickness and misery. Why does one death matter against so many? Because there is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this. But there are so many deserving of retribution ... and there is so little time." -Walter Kovacs/Rorschach

"Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense." -Edward Blake/The Comedian

"There is no future. There is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet." -Jon Osterman/Doctor Manhattan

"By the way, you need a stronger lock. That new one broke after one shove." -Walter Kovacs/Rorschach

"(In Rorschach's Journal) Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll look down and whisper "No." They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father or President Truman. Decent men who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipice until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloodly Hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers... and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to say." -Walter Kovacs/Rorschach

Rorschach: [examining the same inkblot test, the second time, and answering honestly] Dog. Dog with head split in half.
Dr. Long: And, uh. What do you think split the dog's head. In half.
Rorschach: I did.

Rorschach: There. Did what had to be done. Can leave now.
Laurie: Really? Are you sure? We don't want to get too reckless and go diving headfirst into things!
Rorschach: (Having just drowned Big Figure in a toilet bowl) Hurm. Good advice. Sure there are many who would agree with you.

Doctor Manhattan: Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle.
Laurie Juspeczyk: But... if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!
Dr. Manhattan: Yes. Anybody in the world... But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away. Come... dry your eyes. For you are life, rarer than a quark and unpredictable beyond the dreams of Heisenberg; the clay in which the forces that shape all things leave their fingerprints most clearly. Dry your eyes... and let's go home.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I <3 Jason Segel

the best part is he was already writing a dracula puppet musical in his real life before this movie came along.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

I really do need to get out of the habit of writing depressing blogs.

its just that that's the only time i feel like writing, usually. I'm sick. i dont know what it is, i just hope its not the flu, or mono. Probably not mono because i rarely get kissed these days, nor do i go around licking other peoples used silverware... anymore.

-Massive headache
-Neck ache
-Lower and upper back pain
-shortness of breath
-a lot of phlegm
*BUT no fever. Yet.

On top of that, i feel like i'm disappearing. like, i need someone to physically hold on to me so i dont 'dissolve into molecules.' i know i've said this all before, but i hate that i feel this way so often. i hate that i feel so pliable. I just want to lay in bed and have someones arms around me making me feel better.

I hate that i still think of J. i hate wondering if his last poem was about me. i hate hoping that someday when he is ready he'll find me. But how stupid would i be to let him in again!? Every date i have been on recently, every boy i've met, i pray that they will make me laugh as much as he did. That they will make me a fraction as happy. It doesnt matter if they were good guys, they werent him. I feel so fucking pathetic because of that. I hate not knowing if i'll ever feel that way about someone ever again.

I hate watching Aaron take care of katie. she is sick too and he went out in a snowstorm to go pick her up and make sure she was ok. They are so disgustingly cute. I hope i get to have that someday. i want to stop looking for 'the one' i just want him to be there and then i realize, i'm only 20 years old!! I'm just at the beginning of this horrible horrible game that I am destined to keep losing until i'm like, 35 and then im so numb that i'll settle for the first guy who makes a decent offer. Doomed to a mediocre life.

im terrified.

***UPDATE*** I do have a temperature now. 100.1