Someday i want to be in love like this... oh how i love e.e. cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
not fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and its you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or the mind can hide)
and this is the wonder thats keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
So horrible...
One week after the U.S. Army announced record suicide rates among its soldiers last year, the service is worried about a spike in possible suicides in the new year.
If reports of suicides are confirmed, more soldiers will have taken their lives in January than died in combat.
If reports of suicides are confirmed, more soldiers will have taken their lives in January than died in combat.
The Army said 24 soldiers are believed to have committed suicide in January alone -- six times as many as killed themselves in January 2008, according to statistics released Thursday.
The Army said it already has confirmed seven suicides, with 17 additional cases pending that it believes investigators will confirm as suicides for January.
If those prove true, more soldiers will have killed themselves than died in combat last month. According to Pentagon statistics, there were 16 U.S. combat deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq in January.
"This is terrifying," an Army official said. "We do not know what is going on."
Col. Kathy Platoni, chief clinical psychologist for the Army Reserve and National Guard, said that the long, cold months of winter could be a major contributor to the January spike.
"There is more hopelessness and helplessness because everything is so dreary and cold," she said.
But Platoni said she sees the multiple deployments, stigma associated with seeking treatment and the excessive use of anti-depressants as ongoing concerns for mental-health professionals who work with soldiers.
Those who are seeking mental-health care often have their treatment disrupted by deployments. Deployed soldiers also have to deal with the stress of separations from families.
"When people are apart you have infidelity, financial problems, substance abuse and child behavioral problems," Platoni said. "The more deployments, the more it is exacerbated."
Platoni also said that while the military has made a lot of headway in training leaders on how to deal with soldiers who may be suffering from depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, "there is still a huge problem with leadership who shame them when they seek treatment."
The anti-depressants prescribed to soldiers can have side effects that include suicidal thoughts. Those side effects reportedly are more common in people 18 to 24.
Concern about last month's suicide rate was so high, Congress and the Army leadership were briefed. In addition, the Army took the rare step of releasing data for the month rather than waiting to issue it as part of annual statistics at the end of the year.
In January 2008, the Army recorded two confirmed cases of suicides and two other cases it was investigating.
Last week, in releasing the report that showed a record number of suicides in 2008, the Army said it soon will conduct servicewide training to help identify soldiers at risk of suicide.
The program, which will run February 15 through March 15, will include training to recognize behaviors that may lead to suicide and instruction on how to intervene. The Army will follow the training with another teaching program, from March 15 to June 15, focused on suicide prevention at all unit levels.
The 2008 numbers were the highest annual level of suicides among soldiers since the Pentagon began tracking the rate 28 years ago. The Army said 128 soldiers were confirmed to have committed suicide in 2008, and an additional 15 were suspected of having killed themselves. The statistics cover active-duty soldiers and activated National Guard and reserves.
The Army's confirmed rate of suicides in 2008 was 20.2 per 100,000 soldiers. The nation's suicide rate was 19.5 per 100,000 people in 2005, the most recent figure available, Army officials said last month.
Suicides for Marines were also up in 2008. There were 41 in 2008, up from 33 in 2007 and 25 in 2006, according to a Marines report.
In addition to the new training, the service has a program called Battlemind, intended to prepare soldiers and their families to cope with the stresses of war before, during and after deployment. It also is intended to help detect mental-health issues before and after deployments.
The Army and the National Institute of Mental Health signed an agreement in October to conduct research to identify factors affecting the mental and behavioral health of soldiers and to share strategies to lower the suicide rate. The five-year study will examine active-duty, National Guard and reserve soldiers and their families.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/05/army.suicides/index.html
If reports of suicides are confirmed, more soldiers will have taken their lives in January than died in combat.
If reports of suicides are confirmed, more soldiers will have taken their lives in January than died in combat.
The Army said 24 soldiers are believed to have committed suicide in January alone -- six times as many as killed themselves in January 2008, according to statistics released Thursday.
The Army said it already has confirmed seven suicides, with 17 additional cases pending that it believes investigators will confirm as suicides for January.
If those prove true, more soldiers will have killed themselves than died in combat last month. According to Pentagon statistics, there were 16 U.S. combat deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq in January.
"This is terrifying," an Army official said. "We do not know what is going on."
Col. Kathy Platoni, chief clinical psychologist for the Army Reserve and National Guard, said that the long, cold months of winter could be a major contributor to the January spike.
"There is more hopelessness and helplessness because everything is so dreary and cold," she said.
But Platoni said she sees the multiple deployments, stigma associated with seeking treatment and the excessive use of anti-depressants as ongoing concerns for mental-health professionals who work with soldiers.
Those who are seeking mental-health care often have their treatment disrupted by deployments. Deployed soldiers also have to deal with the stress of separations from families.
"When people are apart you have infidelity, financial problems, substance abuse and child behavioral problems," Platoni said. "The more deployments, the more it is exacerbated."
Platoni also said that while the military has made a lot of headway in training leaders on how to deal with soldiers who may be suffering from depression or post-traumatic stress disorder, "there is still a huge problem with leadership who shame them when they seek treatment."
The anti-depressants prescribed to soldiers can have side effects that include suicidal thoughts. Those side effects reportedly are more common in people 18 to 24.
Concern about last month's suicide rate was so high, Congress and the Army leadership were briefed. In addition, the Army took the rare step of releasing data for the month rather than waiting to issue it as part of annual statistics at the end of the year.
In January 2008, the Army recorded two confirmed cases of suicides and two other cases it was investigating.
Last week, in releasing the report that showed a record number of suicides in 2008, the Army said it soon will conduct servicewide training to help identify soldiers at risk of suicide.
The program, which will run February 15 through March 15, will include training to recognize behaviors that may lead to suicide and instruction on how to intervene. The Army will follow the training with another teaching program, from March 15 to June 15, focused on suicide prevention at all unit levels.
The 2008 numbers were the highest annual level of suicides among soldiers since the Pentagon began tracking the rate 28 years ago. The Army said 128 soldiers were confirmed to have committed suicide in 2008, and an additional 15 were suspected of having killed themselves. The statistics cover active-duty soldiers and activated National Guard and reserves.
The Army's confirmed rate of suicides in 2008 was 20.2 per 100,000 soldiers. The nation's suicide rate was 19.5 per 100,000 people in 2005, the most recent figure available, Army officials said last month.
Suicides for Marines were also up in 2008. There were 41 in 2008, up from 33 in 2007 and 25 in 2006, according to a Marines report.
In addition to the new training, the service has a program called Battlemind, intended to prepare soldiers and their families to cope with the stresses of war before, during and after deployment. It also is intended to help detect mental-health issues before and after deployments.
The Army and the National Institute of Mental Health signed an agreement in October to conduct research to identify factors affecting the mental and behavioral health of soldiers and to share strategies to lower the suicide rate. The five-year study will examine active-duty, National Guard and reserve soldiers and their families.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/02/05/army.suicides/index.html
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Obama
I may not agree with his politics 100% but I do honestly believe he is a good man. I couldnt say the same about McCain. That being said, I think these pictures are adorable.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
S.A.D.
I hate the winter.
I feel like i am going crazy and theres nothing i can do to stop it. I'm drowning.
... i thought it would be so easy to write my feelings. its weird hearing a voice, inner monolouge, in my head again, or at all for that matter. I havent had clear thoughts for days because i didnt need them. because i have nothing to do i have no reason to shower, no reason to brush my teeth, or change out of my pajamas, or shave my legs. I have lost my will to do anything, except maybe cry. I seem to do that just fine.
Its depressing listening to myself write this as if anyone will read and understand it. Imagining it as a Diane Keaton movie or something. Imagining all this being read by an actress far more well spoken, and far more beautiful than i could hope to be. yes, this tragedy that is my life will now by my screen play and then i wont be depressed anymore. i will magically have all this money from writing this fantastic screenplay and i wont have Seasonal Affective Disorder because i'll never have to be here during winter.
I wont feel doomed or useless, or miserable, because at the end of my screenplay Diane keaton learns to love herslf and learns to make herself happy, somehow. it would be terrible if she lived her whole life with this crippling chemical embalance and was never truelyhappy the rest of her life, right?
its never been this bad. I've neveer felt so low.
Any chance of hope i reason away with brutal cynicism. I keep distancing myself from people who love me, mostly because i know they dont want my personal baggage, and partly because i'm no sure what all that baggage entails. i dotn know whats wrong, i dont know why i cant snap out of it, i dont know why i miss everyone but i never call and see how they're doing. i dont know why i complaine about doing nothing but never go out when someone asks me on short notice.
what if they are just better off without me, but then i cant help but feel left out when i see facebook pictures.
I wan to sing again. I want to make people happy with my voice. is that pretentious? mostly i just want the praise... pathetic. My mind is a mess. i dont think i've had one cohearant thought, rambling about Diane keaton and drowning... and yet they are somehow related. hm.
p.s. i know i spelled things wrong. i just dont care.
I feel like i am going crazy and theres nothing i can do to stop it. I'm drowning.
... i thought it would be so easy to write my feelings. its weird hearing a voice, inner monolouge, in my head again, or at all for that matter. I havent had clear thoughts for days because i didnt need them. because i have nothing to do i have no reason to shower, no reason to brush my teeth, or change out of my pajamas, or shave my legs. I have lost my will to do anything, except maybe cry. I seem to do that just fine.
Its depressing listening to myself write this as if anyone will read and understand it. Imagining it as a Diane Keaton movie or something. Imagining all this being read by an actress far more well spoken, and far more beautiful than i could hope to be. yes, this tragedy that is my life will now by my screen play and then i wont be depressed anymore. i will magically have all this money from writing this fantastic screenplay and i wont have Seasonal Affective Disorder because i'll never have to be here during winter.
I wont feel doomed or useless, or miserable, because at the end of my screenplay Diane keaton learns to love herslf and learns to make herself happy, somehow. it would be terrible if she lived her whole life with this crippling chemical embalance and was never truelyhappy the rest of her life, right?
its never been this bad. I've neveer felt so low.
Any chance of hope i reason away with brutal cynicism. I keep distancing myself from people who love me, mostly because i know they dont want my personal baggage, and partly because i'm no sure what all that baggage entails. i dotn know whats wrong, i dont know why i cant snap out of it, i dont know why i miss everyone but i never call and see how they're doing. i dont know why i complaine about doing nothing but never go out when someone asks me on short notice.
what if they are just better off without me, but then i cant help but feel left out when i see facebook pictures.
I wan to sing again. I want to make people happy with my voice. is that pretentious? mostly i just want the praise... pathetic. My mind is a mess. i dont think i've had one cohearant thought, rambling about Diane keaton and drowning... and yet they are somehow related. hm.
p.s. i know i spelled things wrong. i just dont care.
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